A Tale of Two Cities

When my son, Dylan, moved to Chicago almost two years ago I was really sad. I consoled myself with the hope was that he would work there for two years and then return to New York. As I wished – he started to express interest in coming back this summer. He loves his job but he misses family and friends and he contacted some head hunters and has an interview coming up. I was hopeful.

Last week he flew to San Francisco for the weekend to visit two great guys who had left his company last spring for jobs out there. He had a fantastic time and visited Sonoma and mentioned how much he loved it there. Who wouldn’t….!? He texted me he could live there. I texted back “Nooooooooo!”

Three days later my husband Marty and I flew out to Aspen for a last minute weekend trip. We were having a wonderful time. I had a nearly perfect day. As we headed to take the van into town Friday, Marty asked if I saw the email Dylan had sent him. I had not. He handed me his iPad. Dylan’s email to Marty said, “I was asked to fly back to San Francisco next week to meet with the guys from Rockpoint who I had met with last week and they hinted I had the job and if they offer it to me I would most likely take it”.

I was speechless. I didn’t even know he went there for an interview. I felt deceived. I felt devastated. Disappointed. Hurt. I felt like crying. I immediately texted my friend Lori to tell her what happened and how upset I was. As we piled into the van to go to town, Robin and Peter, our hosts in Aspen, tried to console me, telling me their son might move to LA. As we rode into town I started a rant – only half seriously, I loudly announced that we shouldn’t have had children – you spend time and money and kill yourself for them and they just leave you. I pictured my son across the country living his own life and not being there for holidays and birthdays and last minute dinners.

Marty didn’t seem as worried as I was. He said – “you can visit him, it’s not so bad.”
“You’re a father. It’s not the same,” I yelled. “You didn’t breastfeed them. You didn’t bond the same way. Maybe I should breastfeed you and then you’d stick around more too.” Robin thought this might be a good time to point out that there were others in the van who I hadn’t even noticed. I sulked in silence.

We got into town and walked around for a bit. I tried retail therapy. I was feeling dejected but tried to think of some positives and how I wanted to move there at his age and was held back by my parents and friends. I didn’t want to do that to him. Well, actually I did. After an hour or so Dylan called Marty. After a few minutes Marty handed me the phone. I calmly told Dylan I saw the email. “Oh, dad showed you?” he asked guiltily.

I was restrained. I told him I was sad to hear he would think about going so far. I told him it was a wonderful place to live. And I understood the appeal but wasn’t the point of leaving Chicago to be with family and friends? He said he had two great friends out there. He could go to wine country every weekend. And maybe it wouldn’t be permanent. I asked, what if you fall in love with someone there and never come home? Dylan said – Wouldn’t that be a good thing if my life was good? I have to think about myself right now..

I nearly lost it. … I was stunned. That little shit…he continued talking but I barely heard him as I thought of what to say next. Wait, what did he just say? Did I hear that right!?

Yes! April Fools. He was saying April Fools! Yes! I fell for it! I started laughing. I started crying.  It was April 1. Practically a national holiday for me. I had even mentioned that morning that I needed to try to prank him. I tried to get Marty to help me think of a plot. But after years of elaborate pranks and epic tricks that included filming him looking at his pink bedazzled bar mitzvah invitation and then playing it for 200 people, planting fake prize winning notices inside boxes of fruit roll ups, and convincing him his soccer team had to take ballet lessons since the practice fields were unavailable – he’d gotten me back. Big time. And my deceiving husband was in on it. At what point I don’t know. I guess this scenario fed into my biggest anxiety and I didn’t even take a step back to think. It was terrible. It was wonderful. The student became the teacher. I’ve never been so mad. I’ve never been so relieved. I’ve never been so proud!

And I have 364 days to plan my revenge.


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